


How To Be Ok, by Undine Wells

by Fishykarp



Category: Sleepless Domain (Webcomic)
Genre: Emotions, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Internal Monologue, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25770184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishykarp/pseuds/Fishykarp
Summary: Undine tells herself a lot of things. Some of them might not be entirely true.
Kudos: 14





	How To Be Ok, by Undine Wells

Step 1 – Find out who did it.

She saw someone. That night, rising from the ground, there was a girl. Undine was sure of it. There wasn’t much she was sure of these days, her head still throbbed as if it was burst open (which almost happened, of that she needed no reminding), but she knew that girl had to have been involved.

Even as the doctors confirmed that she didn’t suffer any lasting physical damage, that girl was she all could think about. She did this. She killed Undine’s friends. She killed them… Oh founder, she killed them…

What was she going to do now?

</>

Step 2 – Stop weighing them down.

The funeral was good, she supposed. A lot of people said really kind things, and seeing everyone’s families coming together to grieve was… nice. Still, it hurt. Part of her still wanted to hold out hope that her friends weren’t gone. That everything was just a bad dream. Seeing their names on the graves? That made it real.

She had to talk to Tessa soon. She should’ve talked to her already, if she was being honest, but what was she supposed to say? Tessa gave up her powers to save her. Undine could’ve made it on her own, if she was just a little better at controlling her own blood. Tessa could’ve used her powers on someone else. Gwen or Sylvia or Sally could still be alive, if she was just stronger. She needed to be stronger. She couldn’t lose anyone else.

</>

Step 3 – Don’t get your hopes up.

Spending the night with Heartful Punch was great. Fighting alongside someone, like nothing was wrong, it felt like for those few hours, she was ok. It wouldn’t last though, Heartful Punch would learn about her friends soon. It wouldn’t be the same after that.

Besides, Undine shouldn’t be trying to work with other people anyways. She couldn’t keep relying on others in battle. What if that girl attacked again, while she was with Heartful Punch? What if she killed her, while Undine stood there helpless again?

Even if being with Heartful Punch made her feel better, she shouldn’t be selfish.

</>

Step 4 – Remember the dead. Honour the living.

She wanted to honour Tessa’s request, she really did. Maybe being in another team wouldn’t be all that bad, at least for Tessa’s sake. It couldn’t hurt to keep asking around, even if the first night was a dud. At least, that’s what she told herself.

She could never replace Team Alchemical. She knew that much. They were more than just a team. She could barely remember a time before they were friends, and when they left, it felt like they took a piece of her with them.

How selfish was that? Her friends were dead, and all she could think about was herself.

</>

Step 5 – Maybe hope a little.

Talking with everyone at school, it was comforting. It didn’t feel like things were back to normal, she doubted they ever would, but she didn’t feel as bad. Kokoro seemed like she genuinely wanted Undine to join her training group, and didn’t just invite her out of pity. She didn’t dare get her hopes too high, but even if it wasn’t a new team, it was something.

She told herself that it was just to get stronger. She wasn’t going to rely on Kokoro like she relied on Tessa, she already knew where that led. Still, having help was nice. It was good to know that she wasn’t alone.

</>

Step 6 – She believed her.

She believed her. She believed her. She believed her.

She told Kokoro about the girl, and she believed her!

She expected some doubt, at least. Or for Kokoro to be mad that she was keeping it a secret. But she just hugged her and told her that it wasn’t her fault.

She couldn’t get her hopes up. She had to keep reminding herself that.

Could she?

</>

  
Step 7 – Don’t let her die for you.

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

not again not again not again not again not again not again not again

stay away stay away stay away stay away

all your fault all your fault all your fault all your fault all

**_BANG_ **

</>

Step 8 – Remember that you aren’t alone.

No matter how it might feel sometimes, especially with them gone, she knows she’s not alone. Her manager’s been nothing but supportive, and everyone at school has her back. She’ll always have someone to turn to, and though it may feel selfish, she knows it isn’t.

Kokoro’s helped more than she can possibly express. She- she loves her. She’s not going to say anything about it, she doesn’t know if she’s ok enough for a relationship, but she lets herself fall more in love each day.

It doesn’t replace them. Gwen’s still gone. Sylvia’s still gone. Sally’s still gone. Undine doesn’t know if there’ll ever be a day where she’ll close her eyes and not feel the hole in her heart that they left.

But even if things can never go back to the way they were, that doesn’t mean they can’t get better. She can never replace Team Alchemical, but she can still move on. The friends she’s found, and the friends who’ve found her, they make it easier. She finds herself willing to hope again. She finds herself willing to trust, willing to be vulnerable, willing to love.

She isn’t ok, but she’s getting there. One step at a time.


End file.
